Download A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love by Jon Winokur PDF

By Jon Winokur

A compilation of grouchy and hilarious quips and quotations that can make an engaging bedside better half for a person who has suffered the discomfiture of being in or out of affection. Such outspoken iconoclasts as Sigmund Freud and Woody Allen are quoted on themes akin to courting and marriage.

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PEDIGREE GIRLS Sandra, I saw you cutting yourself again last night... and I think you should stop! Imagine how terrible those scars will look with a sleeveless shirt. PEDIGREE GIRLS You saw Hillary cutting herself and didn't say anything? Why didn't you stop her? If I had known she was a self-abuser I would have said something... but as it was, I thought she was slitting her wrists. PEDIGREE GIRLS He said that if he and I had sex I So, what was consenting did he to having my likesay? ness, name and voice...

You said it. Ha-ha! PEDIGREE GIRLS Geez, Kristy. Why did you uninvite Naomi to your party in front of the whole school? Beacuse I wanted to. Because it felt good. PEDIGREE GIRLS OW! I've got these sharp pains in my gut. I think I'm gonna pass out! Be calm. Let me assess the situation first, before we do anything. Hurry! It's getting worse. Oh, fuck! I'll need to organize an inquiry. Help! PEDIGREE GIRLS You're sooo lucky! Your brother is sooo nice! He takes you out to parties, he lends you his car...

PEDIGREE GIRLS I have to leave BSS. Dad's lost his job and my marks aren't high enough to get me a scholarship. We'll still keep in touch and get together once in a while though, won't we? Heather, of course. This doesn't mean that I'll ignore you, forget to return your calls and pretend you never existed. Don't be silly! PEDIGREE GIRLS That bitch, Ms. Webb. The next time I see her I hope she's under a bus. Oh... heh, heh... well, that was just a figure of speech. She's right behind you. PEDIGREE GIRLS Look at this: "Needed: 90 overweight people for a new advanced monitored weight reduction, nutrition, and exercise program.

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